Magazines

Oh man, once you pop, you can't stop! The funny things R says just keep on getting funnier! Read on....

R organized his closet a couple weeks ago, and after I did laundry a few days later and apparently didn't hang up his shirts in the correct "category", he said to me, "Okay, either learn the system, or from now on, I'll just start hanging up my own clothes!" (As if he were threatening me?) Haha! Yeah, that didn't last longer than a day...

We were eating dinner at the Sunset Cantina, and our waiter, Daniel, was a young kid from Massachusetts. Odd ball, that one. In R's words, he was "kind of like Frankenstein, but not like Frankenstein". I couldn't have said it better myself (sarcasm), although, please excuse me while I try... He stood 6'4" and was in his early 20's. He kind of stood really close to us, actually, that was an understatement, because he did, in fact, stand really, very close to us...like totally in our bubble and just said weird, unexpected things that you wouldn't normally hear from your wait staff. He walked away from our table and R and I gave each other a look like we knew exactly what the other was thinking. Except I didn't know exactly what R was thinking, apparently; because just when I thought we were thinking the exact same thing, he says this: "There's no way that kid is from Mass. He's from another country for sure." I said, "What? Why you say that?" R replies, "Because. Everybody in America has a bubble, and he clearly doesn't." And that was that.

If you don't know me well, you may or may not know I have a slight shoe obsession. And not just any shoes, heels and wedges mostly. I couldn't have married a man that appreciates it more, because regardless of how "manly" R is, don't get it twisted, he always has an opinion on how hot my newest kicks are and even has me try them on with different outfits to decide which look is best; (with skinnys, shorts, a dress, etc.). It even went as far as this last week: I had just ordered a couple new pairs of heels from my favorite site, (heels.com, obviously), and was modeling them for R. He is analyzing what he likes most about them, how they could be hotter, what makes them hot, etc. and then just settles on saying this, "You know, we should really just start designing our own shoes! Think about it babe, YOU could be the next Jessica Simpson!" Hahahahaha!!! Oh man, where does he come up with this stuff?! Gotta hand it to him though, he sure knows his audience, because Jessica Simpson heels make up a large part of my shoe collection and kudos to him for being so observant, riiiight?!

It's a ritual of ours, that whenever I get a catalog in the mail, R and I sit down at the kitchen table and flip through it together, often picking out our favorite shoes/outfit/swimming suit/etc. on the page and then compare our picks. Well, this day was no different, until R said "Let's pick out which models have the best eye brows" from a Victoria's Secret catalog! Haha! And so we did.

And last one, I don't know why this made us both laugh so hard, but nonetheless, it did...
We were, again, sitting at the kitchen table casually flipping through my Cosmopolitan magazine and saw a picture of the three Kardashian sisters. We comment on how gorgeous Kim is and then R points out that Kourtney is the only one with a widow's peak, while Kim's hairline is perfectly round. The following conversation proceeded:
R: Obviously, it's airbrushed.
Me: Whatev. Besides, how can you tell?
R: (Without skipping a beat): To a professional eye, you can see that hairline is airbrushed from a mile away.
Me: Oh yeah? And what makes you think you have a professional eye?
R: Because sweetheart, I've been looking at women my whole life.
Can't argue that!

Blonde

Oh goodness! I'm going to be honest here, I really debated writing this, because, well, let's face it, my red hair isn't fooling anyone, but then I thought, "Nah, I put all of R's dirty laundry out there (mainly because I know he won't read it, haha), so why not just throw it all on the line and write mine too?" I have been totally scatterbrained lately! I don't know what it is, but I have had some total blonde moments the last few weeks.....

For starters, I went to yoga in Southern Pines a few days ago. I was in kind of a rush getting there and apparently didn't find it a priority to close my trunk after getting out my yoga mat. For a whole 2 hours, I was in the studio completely oblivious to the fact that my car was in the parking lot with the trunk wide open. Thankfully, nothing was stolen but good grief, who does that?!

And while we're on the topic of cars, I was driving with my girlfriend last week, stopped at a red light, looked both ways, saw it was clear, and started going. It took only a second to realize that I was in fact at a stop light, and not a stop sign, so I put it in reverse, and backed up. Next thing I know, I look up to see that I had accidentally put my car in neutral instead of drive again and had rolled right out into the intersection. Thank goodness the oncoming traffic was paying attention, else that could have been the death of me. Literally. And it's not like I was texting either! I was just sitting there! I kind of had the "sense" I was moving, but didn't really pay close enough attention to realize, that I was in fact rolling forward. Yikes!

Lighten the mood a little....You don't have to know me well to know that I am not the least bit what they call "sports savvy". And by "they", I mean "me", because I don't know who else actually calls it that. For example, when you get asked by one of your students if yoga class is canceled next Sunday due to the Super Bowl, and your response is "The Super Bowl is on a Sunday??", you know it's bad. Or when you see a million Facebook status updates about a "Tebow" and you have to ask just wtf a "Tebow" is, (come to find out, it's a person's last name), it's borderline embarrassing. I once had a friend try to explain the rules of football to me, but when I asked what "all the lines on the court" meant, he pretty much died laughing and just gave up then and there.

And, ummm, I can't decide which is more embarrassing of these last two:

A few weeks ago I was getting ready to go run some errands. I had my outfit on and was just trying on different pairs of shoes to see which looked better (where's R when I need him?!) Apparently, I decided that they both looked equally good and I totally (and unknowingly) walked out of the house wearing one of each shoe! What's worse, is that I didn't even realize it until I was half way through with my errands!!

And last but not least, earlier this week, I was driving out to Southern Pines for yoga. I was just leaving the base, and to my right, I saw they were doing controlled burns in the woods, definitely not unusual to see out here. Several hours later, I was on my way back and the smoke had gotten much thicker. As I was coming through the gate to get on base, I had this conversation with the gate guard:

Me: Man! It sure is smoky through here!!!

GG: Yeah, a tsunami came through and we had to set off a bunch of grenades.

Me: Whaaaaat??? A tsunami?? Omg!! (Confused). Wait, a tsunami?? I don't even know what a tsunami is....

GG: (Shocked) Realllllly?? A tsunami! You know, like a huge tidal wave that took out Japan??

Me: Ohhhhh! (Still confused). Wait, (put on your best (worst?) valley girl voice possible) Don't you have to, have like, water for a tsunami??? (I'm obviously totally confused now, because there's no water around).

GG: Umm, yeah, I'm totally messing with you, but that was EPIC!!!! (Very proud of himself, and now laughing hysterically).

He hands me my ID and I drive off, still wondering what the hell just happened. Oh man, it's been a long week!

And that's all for now! Thank goodness because I'm really hoping this is the end of my Scatterbrain Streak, but only time will tell.
In the meantime, Happy February Ladyoga readers!